Understanding Low Self-Esteem

Often, people with low self-esteem have a powerful inner critic. See if you can find a way to quiet that voice. Here is a low-tech approach:

• Fold a piece of paper in half to make 2 columns.
• In one column, write your negative thought. In the other column, write a positive thought that contradicts the negative thought.
• Practice using the language in the positive column. When a negative thought comes into your head, consciously stop it and replace it with the positive language.

Write down what you do well, what makes you feel good, and what you can offer to others. For example, are you insightful? Empathetic? Conscientious? Creative? Can you cook? Decorate? Are you great at puzzles or singing? Look for a list of attributes online to help you develop a robust list.

Explore things in your past that may be contributing to your low self-esteem. Write these down and discuss them with your therapist.

One of the less obvious but most impactful things you can do to help boost your self-esteem is to help others. Find an organization in your community that is meaningful to you and volunteer your time. Even something as simple as donating books or clothes to those in need or raking your neighbor’s leaves can feel like a positive accomplishment.

Lots of time on social media can influence self-esteem. People, especially teens, tend to compare themselves with others on social media sites. Try not to compare yourself with others. After all, they may be misrepresenting themselves with filtered photos and selective realities. Take a break from these sites and see if it improves your outlook. It’s healthier and more satisfying to interact with someone face-to-face when possible. Keep in mind, some people can be simply overwhelmed with too much online information. Beware of doom scrolling during times of crisis. Too much news and detail can be upsetting. Also be careful not to self-disclose too much information about yourself. The digital record never goes away.

Journaling provides an opportunity for positive self-talk and for identifying negative thoughts and behaviors. When you have a problem and you're stressed, keeping a journal can help you identify what’s causing that stress or anxiety. Once you’ve identified your stressors, you can work on a plan to resolve the problems and reduce your stress. Keeping a journal helps you create order when your world feels like it’s in chaos. You get to know yourself by revealing your most private fears, thoughts, and feelings. Look at your writing time as personal relaxation time. It's a time when you can de-stress and wind down. Write in a place that's relaxing and soothing, maybe with a cup of tea. Look forward to your journaling time. And know that you're doing something good for your mind and body.

Visualization is like taking a mental vacation. It frees your mind while keeping your body in a calm state. To get started, picture yourself feeling warm and relaxed. Choose a peaceful setting that appeals to you and fill in the details. If you imagine a tropical beach, listen to the waves on the shore. Feel the sun on your face. Dig your toes in the sand. By using the power of your mind, you can take a soothing break when you need to.

Build a support network with people who can give you feedback that is helpful and kind. Interact less with negative people in your life who may make you doubt your self-worth. Find a few good friends or family members who can help bolster you up when you need it. Engage in talk therapy so you can learn new problem-solving skills to manage low self-esteem.

Sometimes, despite all your best efforts, you may find yourself in crisis. In these times, have a safety plan. This is a written set of instructions for when you may think about harming yourself. You may want to include the following in it:

• The names of people you can call when you're upset
• A list of your internal coping strategies, or what helps sooth you
• Things you are grateful for
• Your reasons for living
• Your provider’s phone number
• Urgent care services' phone number
• Phone number for the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline, 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255). The Lifeline is available 24/7 and provides free and confidential support. You can also reach a crisis counselor by texting HOME to 741741 or visiting the lifeline at www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.