What to Expect if Your Loved One Has Cancer

Cancer is when one of your body's cells starts to divide out of control, making many cells. These cells can create a lump called a tumor. Or if cancer is in the blood (such as with leukemia), the cancer cells grow out of control and push out the normal cells. This makes it hard for the healthy cells to fight infection, help stop bleeding, and carry oxygen all over your body.

Healthcare providers are not always sure why cancer happens. This is especially true with childhood cancers. But they do know the causes of some types of cancers. For example, providers know that smoking can cause lung cancer. But even if they aren't sure of the cause, you can't catch cancer like you can catch a cold. People can die from cancer, but every year healthcare providers are discovering new ways to help people survive cancer. It's also important to remember that you can’t cause someone to get cancer. Just because you were mad at your father or didn't help your grandmother, doesn't mean that you caused their cancer.

There are more than 100 different kinds of cancer. Treatment for each type of cancer is different. Even 2 people who have the same type of cancer can get different kinds of treatment. Your loved one may have to go to the hospital or a cancer center for treatment. They may stay there for a while. Or your loved one may go to a clinic that is close to home. At a clinic, your loved one gets a treatment and then goes home. Your loved one may have to go to the clinic a few times a week for treatment.

There are several kinds types of treatment for cancer: surgery, radiation, chemotherapy, immunotherapy, targeted therapy, and hormone therapy. Many times, people have to have more than one type of treatment to destroy the cancer. For instance, someone may have surgery. Then they will have radiation to kill any leftover cancer cells that surgery didn't remove.

If you're curious about your loved one's treatment, you may want to ask if you can go with them to a clinic visit or any of their other appointments. Your loved one may not want you to come. Or they may be happy that you're interested. Or it may not be possible if the clinic or hospital has special rules about visitors. But if you go, it will also give you a chance to meet your loved one's healthcare providers and ask them questions.

• Surgery. Healthcare providers use surgery to remove the tumor. If possible, they may also remove some of the tissue around the tumor, which may have cancer in it. If your loved one has surgery, they will have to stay in the hospital to recover. They may be there overnight, for just a few days, or longer.

• Radiation. This is when a radiation oncologist, a type of healthcare provider, aims high-energy, radioactive rays at a tumor. Some people who have had radiation say that it's almost like getting an X-ray. If your loved one has radiation, he or she will have to go to the hospital or clinic to get it. They will likely have to go a few times a week for treatment. Radiation is often not painful while it's happening. But there may be side effects afterward. This means your loved one may need extra rest or care at home.

• Chemotherapy (chemo). Your loved one may get strong, cancer-fighting medicine, called chemotherapy, which can destroy cancer cells. Sometimes your loved one takes a pill. Other times, they have to have a shot or get medicine through an IV (intravenous) tube. This is a special tube that can go in the arm, chest, or another part of the body so the medicine goes directly into the blood. There are several other ways your loved may may get chemo. Depending on the type of chemo, your loved one may have to go to the hospital or clinic to get it.

• Immunotherapy. This is a type of treatment that helps your body’s own immune system to find and attack cancer cells. It uses substances that are either made in the body or in a lab. These substances may boost the body's immune system overall. Or they may help the immune system better target cancer cells.

• Targeted therapy. This therapy uses medicines that attack certain parts (genes) of cancer cells. These medicines target proteins or cell functions that help cancer cells stay alive, grow, and divide. They're different from chemotherapy medicines. They may work when chemo doesn’t. Targeted therapy focuses on cancer cells. These medicines mostly leave healthy cells alone. So the side effects are often different and less severe than those of chemo medicines. Targeted therapy medicine can be given as a pill you take by mouth and swallow. Or it can be given through a small IV tube. This is a special tube that can go in the arm, chest, or another part of the body so the medicine goes directly into the blood.

• Hormone therapy. Hormone therapy is a type of cancer treatment that changes the levels or blocks the actions of certain hormones in your body. Hormone therapy can be used to treat breast or prostate cancer that use hormones to grow. Hormone therapy may be given as a pill you take by mouth and swallow, a shot, or surgery.

Some cancer treatments have side effects. Side effects happen when the treatment tries to kill the cancer cells and it kills healthy cells by mistake. Not everyone has side effects. Side effects depend on the type of cancer and treatment. Side effects often go away when treatment ends. But some side effects can be lasting (permanent). Common side effects include:

• Severe tiredness (fatigue)

• Upset stomach (nausea)

• Vomiting

• Depression

• Fever

• Skin rash

• Blood problems

• Hair loss

Hair loss is one of the most shocking side effects because we're used to seeing people with hair. Hair often grows back when treatment ends. If your loved one loses their hair, they may wear a wig or a scarf to protect the scalp. Or your loved one may not wear anything. This may make you feel uncomfortable. Talk with your loved one about how you feel. You may even decide to shave your head so that you and your loved one are bald together!

If your loved one has cancer, your life is going to change. Here are some things you can expect.

• Helping out. You may have to help out more around the house if your loved one has cancer. For example, you may have to watch your younger brother or sister, or clean the house. Your loved one will appreciate it if you can help. But you may feel frustrated with having more things to do and less time to spend with your friends. If you feel like you are doing too much, talk about it with someone.
• Missing loved ones. When a loved one has cancer, they may be away from home for periods of time, depending on the type of cancer and the treatment. And if a loved one is away from home a lot, chances are that another loved one is too. For example, if your mother has cancer, your father may also be away, at the hospital or working extra hours. Your well parent or the rest of your family and friends may also feel stressed out and may not have as much time for you.

• Special treatment. If your brother or sister has cancer, it may feel like he or she gets special treatment. In a way, they have to because they are sick. But sometimes it can be frustrating because you may get in trouble for doing something and your brother or sister won't. Your parents likely want to do all they can for your sick brother or sister. It may seem like they get away with things because they are sick. It doesn't seem fair, but try not to let it bother you.

• Friends. Your friends may feel funny around you because your loved one has cancer. They may fear upsetting you, so they don't ask about your relative with cancer. Or they may not understand cancer, and tease you about it or think that they could catch it from you. It may help you to talk to your friends. But there may be times when you don't want to talk about your loved one's cancer or see your friends. That's OK, but try to reach out to your friends so that they know you still care about them. It's important to see your friends.

• Talking about cancer. If you feel sad, frustrated, or angry about your loved one's cancer and its effect on you, talk with someone. Your loved one's cancer center may have support groups for teens, where you can talk with other teens who are in similar situations. Or you may find it helpful to talk to a counselor on your own.

Many people today survive cancer, but some people don't. For some people who survive cancer, sometimes cancer can come back. You may wonder what will happen to your family if the cancer comes back or if your loved one dies.

• Death. When a loved one has cancer, there is a chance that they will die. You may be very scared about this. Your loved one is likely scared too. If one of your parents has cancer, you may wonder what will happen to you if that parent dies. Chances are, your ill parent has thought about that. Talk about how you feel. If you feel uncomfortable talking about death with your loved one who has cancer, talk with someone else, such as your other parent, a relative, or a teacher.

• Cancer returns. Sometimes healthcare providers think that they have cured cancer, but it comes back. When cancer comes back to the same spot, it's called a recurrence. If cancer comes back and spreads to another part of the body, it's called metastasis. For very few people, a new cancer can develop after the first cancer is cured. This is called a second cancer. When cancer recurs or spreads, it often means that the cancer is serious, and your loved one will likely need stronger treatment. Again, it's important to talk about how you feel. It may help to talk with a counselor.

When someone you love has cancer, it can feel like your world is falling apart. It may be hard to do everyday things, such as going to school or meeting your friends at the mall. But these things are important. You should help out your family during this difficult time. But you should also help yourself. Talk about how you feel and try to do everyday things.